Divorce is not uncommon these days. When parents can no longer be together: one fell out of love, met another person, and finally did not get along, they believe that it is better to divorce. The argument is that the child still feels tension, falseness, and often becomes a witness to scandals, so it’s better for him not to see this.

Of course, it hurts a child to see discord between parents, but it hurts even more when one of them leaves the family. The divorce of parents has a strong effect on the psyche of children. Changes can be very different. Much will again depend on the position of the parents in this situation. There may be several options for the development of the scenario.

bad breakup

Strange, of course, it will sound like a “good parting”, but spouses can really scatter like a cat with a dog, saying enough insulting words to each other. And, most importantly, the child will again be the hostage of the situation. Because, a little later after parting, each of them will try to make the child his ally, to deserve his attention. One of the options for gaining favor on the part of the parent may be gifts that supposedly “smooth out” negative impressions. Only sometimes spouses do not understand that for a daughter or son there is no priority in love. They take their parents for granted, with little preference for one or the other.

Due to emotional shock, various phenomena occur with a child. He may be angry at the parent who left the family (often at the father), but take out his anger on the mother, because he knows that the mother cannot be tough. Often there is an absolute loss of interest in everything around, in learning. Often, such children have a dullness of attention, it is difficult for them to concentrate, they withdraw into themselves. And if, at the same time, the teacher comes across as fierce, she will give the student additional emotional pressure.

Among other things, in such a stressful situation as the divorce of parents, long-gone fears can return to the child, for example, the fear of darkness, loneliness, closed space. Enuresis is also an indicator of mental trauma. In fact, the child needs increased attention, but how can a mother give him more love if she herself is emotionally exhausted.

When the father leaves the family

There is a change of roles. If there is more than one child left with the mother, then the oldest of them will be at least harder than the rest. Because all the care of the younger ones will fall on his shoulders. After all, as a rule, mothers in such cases have to look for a new or additional job in order to feed their children. Therefore, there is no need to talk about increased attention and care on her part.

Is it necessary to mention that a woman left alone with children is at least offended by her husband. And, of course, she will be against it if the former starts looking for meetings with her offspring. In this situation, the interests of children are again infringed. After all, for them, the father will forever remain a father, and the mother is also alone. If the departed parent does not renounce his fatherly duties and rights, then it is more correct to allow the children to meet with him, because in this way they will at least partially receive the necessary communication. For education , the influence of both parents is important.

Sunday dad

However, it happens that parents soberly assess the situation and do not prevent the child from communicating with each other. But we must again remember that people are just people, and they tend to make mistakes. This means that when the mother releases the child to the father, her attitude is involuntarily transferred to the child, because the child has a strong emotional connection with the mother. So, if the mother is negatively minded (she understands with her mind that the child should communicate with the father, and jealousy does not give rest), this attitude is transmitted to her. As a result, when meeting with his father, the son cannot behave calmly, and at home he also shows not his best qualities.

Mothers in such situations say: “You won’t go to meet your father again,” not realizing that such a change in mood is associated with a different nature of communication. Since the parents live separately, respectively, the rhythm of life and their views on things are different. Only having tuned in to communicate in harmony with the father, the child again finds himself with his mother. The difference in the situation affects his behavior.

In a word, if the husband and wife have already run away, let them think that the emotional burden on the child is not so strong. After all, they are still his parents and can continue to love him, no matter what. Well, if you find the strength in yourself to try to explain to the child, if not everything, then at least the most basic. Instead of throwing the on-duty phrase: "Grow up, you will understand everything." And he already understands that something is not right between his parents, only the reasons are unclear. The explanation makes it possible to at least maintain respect (for all parties).

Life, of course, sometimes presents surprises, but, as they say, there would be no happiness , but misfortune helped. Any life lesson benefits both children and adults. Remember this and don't give up.