Children from a first marriage often cause difficulties in relationships in a new family. Moreover, situations can develop in different ways. In some cases, the husband seeks to see the first child more often, presents him with gifts such as he does not give to his children from the second marriage. The wife is offended, they say, you love him more and devote a lot of time to him, “but our child does not matter to you so much.”

Before raising the question point-blank, you need to understand why the husband behaves this way. The explanation of his individual actions can serve as his guilt towards the abandoned child. After all, in fact, that child is deprived of full-fledged family relationships. When parents live separately, this is still a completely different alignment. Moreover, it is obvious that dad lives with another "aunt", for some reason he does not love mom. The child does not understand all the subtleties of adult relationships, he knows only one thing: if the parents are not together, then they do not love each other. And there is no family. But a conscientious father seeks to compensate for the damage to the child's psyche by his attentive attitude towards him, therefore sometimes gifts "go wild" in value in order to somehow make amends.

Although it happens the other way around: the father completely cuts off contact with the first child and completely gives himself to the new family. Often this happens at the urgent request of the second wife. Is it good? Even if the father and mother do not live together, they are still the parents of one child and their mutual participation in his upbringing is simply necessary.

It happens, of course, that the first wife commits inappropriate acts, trying to hurt her husband's new passion. And then she can fall into one of the extremes: either she does not allow the father to meet with the child because of resentment, or vice versa, she becomes intrusive in terms of daily calls with stories about how the child behaves, what events are happening in his life, up to the smallest little things. If she knows that her husband is far from being indifferent to the life of their joint child, then she can even bet on this, in the hope of returning her former spouse. Of course, these constant contacts are not always pleasant for the second wife, but it is impossible to understand another person until you find yourself in his place. Therefore, it must be borne in mind that the despair of a woman left with a child will in any case manifest itself in some way.

On the other hand, if the situation is not extreme, then why not allow the spouse to communicate freely. The fact is that when a barrier is put up for a person, he tries to resist and in every possible way get away from restrictions, which naturally leads to the development of a conflict in the family . Therefore, it is better if communication with the first child is still not forbidden for him by the second wife.

The child from the first marriage is behaving inappropriately

Often, children become an instrument of manipulation between former spouses. Perhaps the first wife, before letting the child go to meet his father, actively explains to him that the “aunt” with whom dad lives is bad, she took dad away (or something like that), although there is a possibility that a person began to build new relationships after the breakup of the previous ones. In a word, after the parents divorce , the child becomes the object of disputes, manipulations and an excuse for the realization of various plans, so you need to understand what position he is in and be a little more lenient towards him.

Of course, when he comes to visit, he can behave freely, and at the same time, the husband will allow him anything. This is again the desire to compensate for the psychological damage caused to the child by the divorce of the parents. Since the father is not with the first child every day, he most likely will not be able to see the negative in his actions (or pretend not to notice) and will not punish. Therefore, there will be an impression that everything is allowed for the child. Understand that it is difficult for a father in this situation to be objective in relation to a child whom he rarely sees. First of all, he will strive to give what the child is deprived of in a situation of separation, that is, communication.

In a word, a philosophical approach to solving the problem is most preferable. After all, each person has a past, which very often affects both the present and the future. If it were possible to write everything from scratch, probably many would take advantage of this. But, unfortunately, all events remain in the memory, and with them often emotions. Even if you try to forget everything, you still cannot escape responsibility for the consequences of your actions. And in this case, the fruits of past actions and decisions are children from the first marriage. But they did not choose their parents, so parents should take responsibility for their upbringing.